Wednesday was a full moon. The last full moon of 2022.
Lasts have a way of holding up a mirror to what was.
Reflecting about the year and the circles and cycles that have landed me in this body in this moment.
On the day of the last full moon of the year, my body began to cycle, on the same day I was meant to give birth.
As waves of grief washed through me for the life that little soul would have had, born in the same year as 7 of its “cousins”, all I could do was allow.
Allow the tidal waves of tears, allow myself to be witnessed in it as East and I drove from Pennsylvania to North Carolina, allow the judgements and fears of being too much or that I was sucking all the air out of the room, as grief often does, allow myself the Grace to be exactly as I needed to be.
Honoring my body, my process, my journey this year and the both/and that has pervaded throughout.
The expansiveness of Both/And that has been stretching my capacity to be with ALL of it. The grief and the gratitude, my partners truth and my own, chaos and clarity, trauma and healing, shadows and light, all simultaneously existing at the same time.
What a miraculous things it is to be a woman. To have the capacity to hold so much.
This year has asked me (and let’s face it, sometimes forced me) to be with more than I could have predicted.
This time last year, I was newly wildly in love with the man I call my “soulfartner”. Daniel East. A man unlike any I had ever met and so aligned for me in ways I would not have thought possible. (We both have a cherished family “pond” house, a meaningful Hanging Rock, a chicken coop that became a family home, an extraordinarily similar story of marriage, divorce and self exploration even down to the timeline and programs we chose and we even have the same favorite food! But our love story needs it own post, which I promise to deliver.)
I would come to learn throughout the year, even our shadows and wounding were the profound duet needed to tend to the deepest fears and wounds that can only be unearthed by the quakes of powerful love.
Over and over again this year I was asked to build a foundation of safety within myself. To tend to my sweet inner child who holds the beginnings of the deepest wounds and show up to her as the woman I have worked so hard to become.
From the foundation up, caring for my nervous system as it maneuvered traumatic moments with family, with my partner, with a miscarriage, with constant motion as I balanced driving back and forth from RI to NC bouncing between worlds and trying to find my footing in both.
A year of epic proportion with tales of beautiful love, dramatic challenges, painful loss, grand adventures, triumph and success.
After a late summer of road tripping, concerts and adventure, all while also beginning work with a new business coach (Justine Beauregard) who would focus and clarify my heart, vision and the offers that would become my greatest professional expansion yet, I began to see how Source and life in this year had been stretching me for this moment.
To birth the expansion of the Sanctuary and cultivate the amazing tribe of practitioners who are now offering their gifts in the heart and home I have been tending to. To birth the Reiki Mentorship, a caldron of magic with the ingredients collected from a decade of healing work. To birth a new version of myself to stand firmly and softly in the skin I embody and own my truth. To be able to hold the kind of romantic love that lives in my deepest and longest longing.
So much of my writing this year had a theme of water. I watched a movie about Standing Rock No DAPL this week and was reminded of the mantra, “Water is Life”. And am literally giggling as I write this realizing that my word/intention for this year was Overflow! My life certainly overflowed with ALL of it this year.
Reflections in the water. In the life. In the overflow. Grounding into the growth by acknowledging all of it.
What wants to be acknowledged and grounded into from your year? What do you see in the reflection?
